To the extent that I’m part of the problem, I am actively trying to fix myself. While being fat myself, I still tend to look down on other, fatter people, in ways and situations that surprise me. But when I do it, I stop myself, examine my feelings, and try to change them and my reactions.

I have a very heavy — over 550 lbs, by his estimation — friend who suffers from several illnesses, lipedema being one of them. He constantly describes himself as “disgusting”. I constantly tell him he’s not. But even so I know that every once in a while I say to myself “If he stopped eating junk food” or “if he did XYZ” or whatever, he’d lose weight and be happier. At the same time, I am defending myself against people (mostly these days, my doctor) who say similar things to me, because I am disabled and so OF COURSE I’m fat, not the other way around. And I remind myself that just as I’m fat because I’m disabled, so is my friend. It’s not impossible to be disabled in the ways that both he and I are and be thin, but it’s damned unlikely. So why do I think “he should do this thing differently” as if it’s justified for him, but not for me? It’s a knee-jerk on my part, and one I’m actively trying to change, because it doesn’t help anybody. I’m also always looking for ways to influence society to change its views on fatness and fat people.

Your writing is very helpful in this quest of mine, so thank you. I wish I could do something for you in return.